69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
