Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
