u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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