God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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