I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
