What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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