My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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