my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
