Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize