That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
