You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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