Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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