butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
