I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
