In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
