just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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