you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
