i permit you to call me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
