Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
