Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
