I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
