and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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