Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
