Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
