No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
