rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
