he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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