We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
