I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
