I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize