so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
