I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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