no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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