you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize