I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
