i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
