when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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