I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
