Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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