So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
