my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
