Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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