I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
