my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
