Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
