Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
