a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
