he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
