I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
