Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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