I want to make a zoo with you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize