He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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