Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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