let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
