How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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