I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've blown a few things in my day
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My life is pants optional.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
