he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
