then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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