I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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