He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
