Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
