Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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