my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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