How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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