so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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