Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
