Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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