we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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