Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
