My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize