I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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